Shedding Tears

Yeah, I'm going to admit it, I've shed many tears.
I hate that I do it, because I would much rather that I don't.
I would rather fight my fights, than crawl on the ground crying my heart out upset at whats going on, and actually doing something about.
I feel that when one cries much, it is sort of like a 'Death' you die when you cry, because, do you notice that when it's over, it's like, you're starting anew. So here I am now, starting anew.
I just created this account with my location as Netherlands. I'm not sure what exactly that means, but what I do know is this: I tried to create an account with my current location which is the United Arab Emirates (U.A.E.).

I have, infact created many accounts, probably due to my mixed identity, and not knowing exactly who I want to be.

I say who I want to be, because I realize that right now, I am nothing. Well, there is something, there is a vague concept of who I am, and it seems that anything that happens around me, is not me. This sense, that whatever happens is not me, brings me pain.

So, I am constantly unhappy about the situations that are occurring around me. Even though, some of them may be good, and positive, but, it's like, I have lost touch with that, like I don't even know what is going to lead to something positive, or something that's negative.

So, I have been sad all the time.

Except for some times, when  I am 'consuming' other peoples works, their creativity, etc.

I find myself 'tripping' over many 'punch lines' like taking it personally or something, like 'wow' damn.

Anyway, this could be a new start, I don't know, seems like I've been here before, but I haven't.

I have no idea what the future holds, have I sold out? I probably have, I'm not even going to lie, but it is, to what I think, for the best.
Ironic that I don't even know what 'the Best' is.

Full of anger and rage, yet nowhere really to channel it.

I could do this forever though, just keep on writing about things.
I still wouldn't mind making video's and film and such.

In the future, I see myself writing about more positive matters, seeing things just work out somehow, taking on interesting projects etc.

Anyway, let me talk a little about Finest Ultimate.

Well, I've been having much issues with decision making etc. so what this means to me, is making decisions based on "Ultimate Finest".

So, how will such decisions be made?
and what characteristics make up the Ultimate Finest?
well.. I'll discuss this in the next post 'Going Deep'

Take Care

Ultimate Finest.